Oncology report

Thursday was a scary day. It actually started Wednesday when it really sunk in that I was going to see a Cancer doctor! I had no idea that an Oncologist was a cancer specialist until Tuesday night, ugh! I tried to keep busy all day, but friends and family would call and tell me that they were thinking and praying for me and that would set me off. I am so grateful for the love and support that I have had through all these months of tests and doctor visits. I have amazing friends that help with my kids and don't let me feel like I am putting them out, though I feel horrible guilt about it.
The time to leave came and I found myself a little numb. I shouldn't admit to this but I put my foot on the gas as I was getting on the freeway and got the van to go 100mph.  I wasn't going to hurt myself or anyine else, it was just on the onramp and I slowed back down right away. I think I was just feeling so alone and wished that I someone was there to tell me that everything was going to be okay. It was even harder when I drove to the hospital and had to enter in through the "Cancer Center" doors. There I was relatively young and looking healthy, walking in by myself and seeing the word "cancer" everywhere! I saw people that looked very sick, with family by their side and wished I had someone with me too.
I finished the paper work and sat and waited. They called me back and drew blood, asked questions and took me to my room. On the way I could see a larger area with lounge chairs and patients getting treatments. More waiting and then the doctor came in to go over my labs that I had brought and the ones that had just got taken. As he went over everything, gave me an exam and we spoke about the last few months, he determined that there was no real cause for concern, mentioned that the Gilbert's syndrome was probably the cause for the bilirubin issues and that the blood issues are probably a chronic anemia and that there is no cure for. Dr. Bott also said that there is usually a chronic illness that causes the chronic anemia, but he can't see anything in my labs. I asked him about the breathing problems and he said it was probably just anxiety. (I don't know WHY I would be anxious about anything...!) He said he wanted to see me in a month and sent me from more blood work. Yes, of course I am thrilled that I don't have anything scary like cancer, but I still left frustrated that there is no cure for what I am dealing with. The doctor said that I will probably just have to rest more than others and feel more tired than others. Not such a good answer for a mother of 5 boys!
I got a call Friday from doctor Bott's office. The remainder of the test had come back and everything that should be negative, was negative, so that was great! We ran our race Saturday morning and it felt so good to be active again. I look forward to doing more things now that I know I will not be damaging my body in anyway. I am going to be more conscious of the things I eat and the amount of sleep I get. I need to just figure out how to deal with the body that I have been given and do the best I can with it.

I told the kids tonight about the Oncologist. I didn't want to scare them, but just let them know how grateful I am for their love and prays and that everything was going to be okay. I also didn't want them to hear it from anyone else that I had been to a cancer center and freak them out! I told them about all the amazing support that we have been receiving and Nathan said, "So many people have been so nice to us." I could not agree more. I don't know how people that are not members of the LDS faith get through things like this. We have had so many prayers, meals, kids watched, flowers, treats, and countless other blessing. I wanted my kids to know that the service that I have done for others has come back to bless us in out time of need and wanted to encourage them to continue to serve others.
I am grateful for my great family and amazing friends that have stood by me and loved me no mater the circumstance. I look forward to being able to serve others with love and compassion as I have been served.